I HATE Front Row Joe

I've got a few minutes here, as it's the lunch hour, so I thought I'd post my thoughts on something that irritates the hell out of me: Front Row Joe (or, FRJ). Have you been to a movie recently? If not, congratulations! You are smarter for not having done so! I have been to several in the past couple weeks alone, thanks in large part to the local dollar theatre. Now, anyone who's been to a movie recently knows that we are now under siege by advertising. It was one thing when you were riding on that damn Coca-Cola/popcorn roller coaster... but at least you knew you were close to getting to the feature film! Now we get what seems like an eternity of ads. It has gotten to the point where I'm close to boycotting anyone who advertising at the movies.

Well, the straw has finally broken... with Front Row Joe. If you don't know who that is, again... I envy you. FRJ is a walking cat creature wearing a tuxedo used by Cinemark as some sort of promotional tool. He's in all the "Welcome to Cinemark!" ads that run before movies. There are huge posters of him when you enter the theatre. But here's what really pisses me off.... before about a year ago, there was NO FRJ. He did not exist. Sometime in the recent past, a bunch of marketing gurus sat around and said to themselves... we need an image, and that image is at cartoon cat named FRJ. Apparently, Cinemark was too cheap to go out and buy the rights to an existing animated animal, so they came up with this monstrosity. Kind of like when advertisers don't want to pay to use certain popular music, so they create something that sounds awfully similar... to the point of irritating the hell out of you, cause you know what it's supposed to sound like, but here we are!

You may be saying to yourself, "Well, advertisers create stuff like this all the time... why does this particular fellow piss you off so much?!" Well, here's my answer... Cinemark knows moviegoers are stupid, and as a result, they're stuffing this shit down your throat. Oh wait, that's only part of my problem, because again, this is the case with lots of advertising. No, Cinemark wants you to believe that FRJ is this amazing cat thing that everyone just loves. I mean, just watch when he gets out of his limo to his screaming fans clamoring for an autograph! Clamoring fans? How could he have clamoring fans?? What could this recent addition to pre-movie mania have done to have CLAMORING FANS!?!? They're jumping up and down... like some pop star is walking down the aisle. In fact, some might say that Front Row Joe is bigger that the BEATLES EVER WERE!!!

Ok... must breathe... must take a deeeeep breath... better.

Oh, and now top it all off with the FRJ now has his own CALENDAR. Yes, just ante up a buck and you can get the FRJ calendar... full of images of FRJ... doing whatever it is he does when he's not working. But there's the hitch... other than in a few little instances, like the opening commercial in the movie, when else do you see FRJ? The fact is, you don't. Yet Cinemark treats it like everyone LOVES FRJ, to the point of needing to own the FRJ calendar! Now, maybe if they had bought the rights to use, oh, say, Garfield... I'd buy THAT calendar for a dollar. But FRJ??? Why? To enjoy his popcorny goodness? So I can remember the exciting time he walked out of his limo and down the red carpet to his screaming fans? I don't need a damn calendar to remember that!

Ok, once again... must breathe... ahhhhh.... feels soooo good!

I'm sure there's more to why I hate FRJ, but my lunchtime is nearly up. In fact, maybe I'll write again later today, if more reasons pop into my head. Or, maybe I can tell you why at least one of the movies I saw this weekend was wretched, and the other was just plain bad.